Some people think that if they have more fascinating stories and anecdotes to tell, then they would be more interesting.
Or maybe if they drop a few names.
Or keep up with the latest trends.
Perhaps if they look more serious when they talk, or more enthusiastic.
But what I’ve found is that there is one way to become a more interesting person to those around you.
Be more interested in others!
Don’t tell long stories about yourself (or your kids, your job, the sporting prowess of your youth, your political or religious beliefs).
Find out more about the person, or people, that you’re with.
Instead of being the one with all of the clever answers, be the one with the insightful questions.
A funny thing happens when you do.
People will start to take more of an interest in you.
The less you try to bulldoze yourself into people’s lives, the more you will have a chance to get your message across and the better it will be received.
And when they walk away, they won’t be relieved to be away from you, they’ll be thinking, “What a fascinating person that was.”
Instead of people avoiding you in public places, they’ll look forward to seeing you again.
So if you find that people’s eyes glaze over when you’re talking to them and you want to become more interesting, simply start to take more of an interest in the lives of those around you.
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11 comments
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June 6, 2012 at 12:39 am
Crystal
I don’t totally agree with this. Being a good listener and question asker will make not make people think you are fascinating. In my experience, it will make you nice, even friendly, but forgettable. It can facilitate conversation, but if you want to be more interesting, why not BE MORE INTERESTING?! Pursue your wants, dreams, and passions! If you get out and experience life and take risks and challenge yourself, those ‘cool stories’ will naturally come. Of course never dominate a conversation and talk long winded about yourself, but if you’re chatting and someone says they like to run, you can tell them: Me too! I ran the such and such marathon last year. That is more likely to spark their interest in you than if you just say “Oh, how neat.” There’s nothing wrong with the ‘how neat’ sentiment, if you’re not a runner and share that passion, but you can then ask questions, etc, until you do find some common ground, and then you can start relating to each other.
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June 6, 2012 at 8:40 am
Darren Poke
That’s a very good point Crystal, thanks for sharing it.
The point of being interested in others is so that people are more likely to listen to us and you’re right, we need to have something meaningful that we can contribute when it’s time.
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June 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Debbie
Well, I really liked this! Then I read Crystal’s comment . . and I liked what she had to say too. So I guess both points of view work! Thank you!
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June 6, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Darren Poke
Thanks Debbie, I think that both perspectives work too.
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June 7, 2012 at 6:57 am
granbee
Darren, I was wonderfully blessed to actually follow through with my resolve to visit with my fellow Kiwanians last evening by using insightful questions instead of smart-alecky pronouncements and quoting statistics, etc. I am pleased to say everyone seemed to enjoy my company a lot more! Thanks so much for the great guidance you give us here, always!
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June 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm
Darren Poke
Thanks Rose, well done
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June 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Lynne
Being a good listener and understand people makes you more interesting. People need someone to listen. For me, I’m not a serious type of person I always make my friends laugh and my friends told me that attitude of mine makes me more interesting to them. =)
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June 8, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Darren Poke
Thanks Lynne, making people laugh does make you much better company and more interesting.
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December 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Katy
Hello Darren! Today I’ve discovered your blog and I have to say that I like it. It is very interesting. Regarding this post, you make me think about what you said: “Instead of being the one with all of the clever answers, be the one with the insightful questions”. I like this phrase and I think I’ll quote you sometime. 🙂
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December 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Darren Poke
Thanks Katy, I appreciate your kind comments. Feel free to quote me any time.
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January 11, 2013 at 7:59 pm
Raakhee
Dear Darren,
recently i have started reading your blogs.. i want to know how do you or people like you, robin sharma (author) can express views so clearly?
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